cry-Tunes

I don't know whether or not I am unusual in that I have a "Cry" iTunes list. There are songs that I simply cannot listen to without crying - be it tearing up, a little drip from the nose, or depending on my mood, a nice cleansing sob. Every now and again, such as tonight, I have to test my mettle and play it. Sure enough, I have not gotten through one song without tearing up. As I write this I'm listening to "The Hazards of Love 4 (The Drowned)." To get the full, chest-constricting sadness you really have to know the story arc of The Hazards of Love (The Decemberists). However, to tell the story takes away from the drama because it is kind of a strange story. Still, the song gets me every time.

Now my playlist has switched to "It's Too Late" by Carole King. The song, about the end of a relationship, is kind of sad in and of itself. Well told and sung by the soulful Ms. King. The song is given more weight in my mind because I remember hearing it right around the time my parents divorced. It was too weighty for a mere 5 year old lyric listener. Later The Eagles "Best of My Love" reminded me of the final nail my parents divorce coffin. This song doesn't so much make me cry as makes my throat constrict, I suppose.

There are several songs that remind me of my grandparents and their incredible love for each other. "My Immortal" and "This Woman's Work" both remind me of when my grandmother was in hospice and my grandfather was struck, quite by surprise, with what hospice was - and that she was not going to get better. At first grandpa was force-feeding her although she was in a coma. He was at a loss for what he would do without her. It was one the most heart-wrenching things I have witnessed. "I know you have a little life in you yet/I know you have a lot of strength left..." :(

Well, I won't go into all the songs on my cry-Tunes list, but the one playing now is "100 Years" by Five for Fighting. This song just makes me sad because it so succinctly captures how fleeting life is, and clearly tells the story of the various milestones of life "when you've only got 100 years to live." Hearing it makes me keenly aware that I'm far from 15 and forces me to reflect on how haphazardly these 40+ years have gone by. There's never enough time to stop and savor all the moments that make up a life. Even when they're happening you don't realize which will be the memories that get replayed with fondness, sadness, glee, etc. Life is funny and cruel that way.